Before Sleeping

Why do I get the surge of everything right before going to bed? 

I get all these crazy ideas for my creative writing yet it’s half past eleven and I need a full night’s sleep..

I get these fancy emotions that creeps ON my skin like some liquid metal..

Also, I get these dubious thoughts about how I should do everything now just to feel accomplished.

Can these things come during the unused time of my life where I shouldn’t be preparing for a night’s sleep?

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Dam?

I’m kinda touchy with this but go ahead and read it. I think posting this will help me loosen up. LOL

Yesterday, I was choking down my tears and the moment I started lingering on it, it’s like a dam broke and I can’t stop myself from crying. So I just went somewhere where I’ll feel safe and I think it’s okay to cry (which is the Adoration Chapel) and just broke down there for a while. (Don’t feel sorry for me, I’m just describing what happened)
Actually, I was there reminding myself that nobody knows me and they’ll probabaly forget about me so I went ahead and sobbed virginly. (LOL okay :p)

Everytime I feel better I just decide and try to build bridges again and no matter how I reassure myself that I’ll be okay afterwards, I won’t. Because there is always a danger in starting a fire.

So there is one thing I figured out during this futile cycle of pushing people away and trying to bring them back… Don’t act on emotions.

Also, there are things (or people most especially) that we can’t control. Let things just go their natural progression. We don’t know what’s gonna happen in the future. We don’t even know what will definitely happen 30minutes later. So I just surrender because taking things my way screws everything up.

I don’t feel sorry for myself to be honest. I’m just being a vulnerable girl right now, for once. 😉